Sunday, December 04, 2005

What, me, Worry?

On or about March 13, 1993 the phrase "Take a Chill Pill" officially died. I was not there to witness it, but this was the day Mrs. Penny Joy of one Bird Elementary School in Plymouth, Michigan offered this advice to calm down a rambunctious third grader who was more than a little bit upset that a fifth grader had taken his basketball at recess. The adaptation of hip slang worked, if only out of shocking the young lad into a five minute catatonic trance.

MTV, which isn't good for much of anything, did a fine job describing the death of "Bling Bling" after its eventual use in Wine Spectator or something like that, but nobody was really sad to see it go. Honestly, it probably took some effort by the powers that be to supplant that afer the miserable failure of getting "Who Dat" and "Hoody Hoo" into white mainstream, who make up about 90% of the Hip Hop and Rap market.

But "Take a Chill Pill" died all too soon. Granted, "Chill Out" and its younger brother "Chill" are still around, and if Mrs. Joy hadn't been so bold perhaps five years later Ritalin could have found a cool street name (or, even by that time, Valium coulda taken the title), but it had a nice ring to it. While "Chill" is just a spontaneous act of calming down, "Take a Chill Pill" implies recognition of one's problems and conscious mental medication.

Sure, I can Chill Out, but that's just rejecting my problems for the time being only to unleash my pent up frustrations later on down the road. Why not stop, do a little self-analysis, and just drop that stress like a bad habit? Take a chill... pill, if you will.

Now, I know better than to get into psychology. Frankly, I don't know anything about psychology. This girl told me last year that if you dream and there's a clock that means something dirty, which frankly I think is hogwash. What I do know is that, since there's no universal Chill Pill, and because winners don't do drugs, maybe a little mental fixation on something that could be your personal Pill of Chill is in order...

You know, if there was any way to say "Chill Pill" in any combination without sounding like a complete tool, this would be a lot easier.

...In my case, behold:

(See! No fingertips!)

For anyone that had to ask, the "lady who's sure..." in Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" is buying the stairway for about $.99 a step. The steps are metaphors for cups of Wendy's chilli. Accept no substitutes - believe me, I've tried. While I wouldn't recommend eating it, adding a cup of Burger King chilli to your tank will add about 4 HP to your engine, and every little bit helps when you're riding a behemoth like mine.


Blogger Anna said...

Way to crack me up, as usual. I like your solution. Wendys? Very nice. I approve. :-)

7:30 PM  

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