Hey, Hey, (Hey) Hey Ladies!!!

All debates about the man's man aside, at least one issue can be resolved without any discussion. That's who is the best lady in the history of the world. No matter what factor one prefers, there is one lady that not only embodies that characteristic to the extreme, but 100% of all the other vitamins and minerals a man may need or desire. If it weren't for the fact that it would impurify the whole "There Can Be Only One" aspect of the whole thing, this lady would provide an excellent case for cloning so men the world over wouldn't hafta deal with finding some lady to (sorta) live up to her impossible standard.

The internet is driven by females, namely the exploitation of them. It's big business. Long before the internet, the degredation of would-be ladies to girls took its toll. Before stating the obvious, perhaps we should go down some of the worst offenses of femaledom that have been in the limelight recently.

Girl #1: Anna Nicole Smith

Anna gets some credit, 'cause she's not just a girl, she's a trilogy!

Episode I	Episode II	Episode III
Whoa.	No!	Oh?

While providing adolescent pleasantry for many a male, Anna's reality show added serious baggage to a personality that was already about as appealing as a Pauly Shore movie. Comeback's are impressive, but considering she got started in the business with the help of plastic surgeons, it's just not Rocky III comeback material. More like... Rocky V... man, that's rough.

Girl #2: Pamela Denise Anderson (Lee... sometimes)

(Kills people)

I was as excited about the one season of Baywatch that had Pam, Donna D'Errico, Carmen Electra, Gena Lee Nolin, and Yasmine Bleeth as the next guy. Alas, no matter what the Fox ratings say, Hepatitis C is bad for you. Wait... is that a... stain on her dress? Whoa. Sick.

Girl #3: No, really, take a good look at that picture... what else could that be? Geeze... sloot.

I'm getting way too caught up in the 90s. Yes, these females have been in the limelight, but let's face it, they're has-beens. Hmmm...

Girl #3 (for real this time): Vida Guerra


Yes, FHM, you discovered one fine butt.
I'm over it.

Morons are dismissing me right now as some kinda old man trapped in the body of a stud. But, really, even the current "All American Girl" Jessica Simpson - who totally pulled a perfect Machiavellian Slip by ousting both Christina Aguilerra and Britney Spears just by going on TV acting like a dumb blonde - doesn't have brains or soul to live up to the status of lady. I mean, as far as pop culture girls go, and considering she's still alive, she's up there. Still, though, once you see this, you're going to be amazed.

Behold, the Lady:

(Drool elsewhere)

That's Grace Kelly, you dolts.

As if Rear Window and Dial M for Murder weren't enough, viewing To Catch a Thief this past weekend confirmed it. She swaps dialoge w/ Cary Grant (who, if Lee Marvin weren't alive, woulda been a contendah...) as naturally as... well, too naturally. So naturally, it was real. A real, classy lady. Looks, brains, wit.

So, here's to you, Grace Kelly, and to Prince Albert of Monaco... who totally got to marry her. Damn.